Help! Need real-life scenarios about dealing with aggressive residents

I work in the Corporate Office of our Property Management company and doing the annual safety meeting for all of my site Manager's. One of the topics I chose this year is related to safely handling angry and aggressive residents. Basically the ones that are really bad and look like it could escalate to a dangerous level.

I was hoping to share a scenario or two with my Managers and kind of walk through how that situation can be de-escalated (or what are things they could do to escalate it, if they're not careful). I know how to describe how to de-escalate those situations but I was hoping some of you could share some of your stories about dealing with a more hostile resident where the situation came close to (or actually came to) a dangerous level. I could definitely make one up but I thought it would be nice to share real-life situations so I can tell them that this actually happened to an apartment manager to hopefully make a bigger impact.

I would appreciate any real-life stories if you care to share! If you would like to send one privately let me know and I can get in touch with you through e-mail too.

Angry residents can be found at any property. De-escalating them is not a by-the-book easy task, in my experience. While managing onsite my most aggressive residents were those with mental illnesses. A lot of times, these illnesses may go undiagnosed, and if they are, the management team may be unaware of those diagnoses.

Scenario 1: Resident enters office and is clearly agitated and muttering things under her breath. She meets with the manager. She leaves; however she returns moments later with a knife threatening the receptionist.

Scenario 2: Resident who is a known schizophrenic stops taking his medication and has not paid his rent. Manager sends notices, but he still pays no rent. It moves to the eviction phase and Residents makes no effort to pack or move. A set-out date is set by the Court.

Scenario 3: Resident comes to the office in an attempt to settle a rent dispute and quickly loses all control of her emotions and begins shouting. Her boyfriend has accompanied her to the office but makes no attempt to calm his girlfriend. In fact, you wonder why he came at all. She refuses to leave when asked to do so.

I could describe at least forty of these kinds of memorable scenarios I have dealt with. They are all true stories.

Thanks so much Mindy! Do you mind sharing what ended up happening in scenario three- how the manager handled the situation and what the result was?

I agree, mental illness often plays a huge role in these types of situations and I also agree it's hard to handle things by the book but I at least want to give them the tools to use and hopefully it will help them to de-escalate or at least give them a good starting point.

Thank you again for your stories!

In Scenario 3, the Manager realized very quickly that this resident could not be soothed and was so irrational, she could not even hear anything. After trying to explain lease terms, etc. the Manager could see nothing was getting through to her. Finally, in an attempt to get her to shut up (if only for a minute) the resident was told by three different staffers she needed to stop yelling or she would be escorted out. The manager said later she felt if the police were called it would maybe make this resident come back later even more angry so she called the Owner who thankfully offered a discount on the rent for that month (last month of the lease)just in the hopes that the Resident would stop her bullying behavior. As soon as this was offered, the resident agreed and left. Her boyfriend followed her out but the resident was still screaming as she left. But she did not come back to the office until the day she moved and had to turn in her keys. A weekend person was there then and the Maintenance Tech on-call was there as well (just in case) and there was no incident.

Not sure if that was the best way. But I also think sometimes with people you don't know, sometimes it is best to give a little just to get the irate person out. For me, usually, I can get close to the angry person and talk softly and the person at least listens. I honestly don't think that would have worked with this person.

Hi Jenna,

My go-to technique, particularly with older residents who are behaving irrationally, is actually the same as it was when I taught young children: speak to them calmly but sternly and use the tone of your voice to convey authority, looking them straight in the eye. This will usually get them to realize that you can't be bullied, and they are a little embarrassed and change their tone almost immediately. More than once I've said something like, "I know you're angry, but there's no need to shout/be rude."

With residents who are in their twenties through fifties, the better technique is to pause a moment before answering them and speak in a lowered voice, again looking straight in the eye. Usually when you speak in a lower voice they will stop shouting and/or swearing.

In either case, if the resident has a legitimate gripe, the best way to start is to say, "you're right, that shouldn't have happened. Here's what we are going to do right now to fix it." Whatever you do, match the converse of the resident's behavior: the angrier they are, the calmer and more even you should be while taking control of the situation.

I stand to greet residents when they come in with a complaint, but after greeting them I sit back down at my desk to appear non-confrontational. Then I calmly gesture for them to sit (on the other side of the desk.)

Creating a space and barrier makes both parties feel safe, and gesturing the invitation to sit instead of interupting their complaint with my voice shows respect and proves to them that I am listening.

The thing that works best though, is the large mirror on the wall behind me. It's actually several mirrors that I bought at dollar tree, but I placed them right next to each other to make one large reflection.

When a resident sees how they look while screaming at you, they tend to tone down their voice, choice of words, and behavior. This gives you time to address their issue, instead of their anger.

Great suggestions Rose- thank you!

Hi!

A few days ago we had the concrete in front of the leasing office stained. The area was to be closed off for about three hours. A gentleman walk wright through all the caution tape. I immediately jumped up out of my seat to stop him from getting paint all over our new office carpet. I talked to him by the door and asked him if I could help him. He handed me a garage remote and said he wanted a new one. I told him that we usually charge $25 for a replacement one (it was obvious he broke it as it was cracked in half), he then grabbed my arm and yanked the old remote out of my hand even scratching my knuckle with his nail.

I was completely stunned!

This sounds like assault. I would have called the police. No one has the right to touch- especially causing injury, without your consent.

The key thing is knowing your tenants. Having events which are social events where you get to interact and see who they interact with as well. This is what I always did to access those people in different settings. Sometimes when I would meet them going or coming from their unit, or they were paying the rent, I would talk to them about all kinds of things.

It helps when you know your residents and they know you. You can pretty much tell who your problem people are going to be or have that capability. Every manager is different. Some have the experience to handle almost any situation with ease and there are others that rather than control a situation, they make it worse.

My answer has always been it depends. There is no tried and true formula as when you put two or more people together you are going to get a different chemical reaction and those same people may not react on Friday the same way they did on Monday.

I find word choices when one is caught in a situation are critical a lot of times. The words you and we will bring differing results. I pay attention to body language as it says a lot. I say the manager for sure need not be thin skinned and for sure needs to remain calm even in the face of adverse situations.

Gender has a lot to do with some situations as well. So, in training personnel, I bring n situational training and as a group talk about the skits as they are done. There are no perfect answers, but there are some do's and don'ts as far as genders and safety precautions.