This Leasing Consultant is having a drink with a resident! Trouble ahead?!?!

Oh my, am I opening a can of worms here. I find it interesting that this happens a lot in our field, but not in my husband's (he's a computer programmer). Here's why I think that is--In property management we see our customers every single day, and sometimes in a casual environment in which they aren't requiring service. In a coffee shop, for example, you also see the same customers every day. You might know their order and a bit about them, but the transaction time is relatively short and then you move on to the next customer. In our environment, we all get to know the regulars at our communities, those who often pop by for cookies or coffee or to chat, but don't really need anything from us, except a listening-ear and some company.

We also develop a deeper depth of relationship because we are dealing with their homes and are taught to create relationships as part of the leasing process. We are trying to build communities, and in order to do so, we have to bring people together. Because of these factors, it can be easy to become friends with your residents, instead of professionally friendly.

What perils does this hold?

If you are truly friends with a resident, you may have an unconscious bias toward that person when it comes time to enforce rules. How awkward might that conversation be if you are charging them a late fee, when they told you on the phone that they would be late and you said "ok"? You may decide to let it slide. Will you be able to evict someone you went on a road trip with? Even if you do your best and hold them to the same standards, it will probably be perceived that you treat them differently, especially by other members of the community who know of your friendship. This can lead to bitter feelings if you aren't careful to apply the same standards across the board. Your friend might expect different things from you than your business associate.

Dating residents is also something that happens very frequently in our business. We are female dominated and most leasing consultants are fairly young, and many in their first professional position. We hire nice people and they rent to nice people, we move them in and sometimes they ask us out. Many companies have a policy against dating residents, or have a disclosure policy that you must follow because of the bias you will have for this person.

Ethically, you should disclose any romantic relationship you enter into to your supervisor, even if it means you have to ask for a transfer or resolve the issue another way. If you do not, someone else will. Managers should keep an eye out as many times the friends and more-than-friends can suck up valuable working time under the guise of "customer service".

We are humans in a human business, but it is important to teach your staff how to maintain professional boundaries. Many people do not understand the difference between being "friendly" and being "friends".

When you are friendly with someone, you are approachable, enjoy conversations and are ok to spend time with her, if nothing else is pending. Your conversations include mostly positive life events and anecdotal stories. When you are friends with someone, you go out of your way to develop relationships and spend time with her and you will inconvenience yourself to see her. Your conversations include life events and anecdotal stories, but also your thoughts and feelings and things you are struggling to manage.

Here's a few tips to maintain a friendly-not-friends relationship.

• Keep conversations work related and professional: Of course you can talk about your dog and significant other as part of building rapport, but your residents should not know about the fight with your significant other you had last night and that you took the dog and left. Keep personal information to yourself and do not bring your problems to work.
• Don't lose focus on your job and objectives: When you cross the friend boundary, you can start to become so empathetic that you begin to relate more to your resident than to your employer. Your job is to manage the property in a compassionate way, not commiserate on the rent being too much or the late fee being charged too early.
• Maintain your decorum: Especially at parties or casual environments where you may be tempted to let your hair down and forget who you are chatting with. This can deteriorate a professional relationship. Friends will forgive you for your sins. Residents (and co-workers) will not forget what you did or said, and will likely tell others about it.

Do you talk about how to maintain professional barriers with new hires? Does your company have a dating disclosure policy?