Just curious how everyone "builds a bridge and gets over it" when you have a problem tenant that you are unable to get rid of?

I know we all have rough days and some tough clients and in the past 2.5 months I have been through the ringer for sure. Just curious how everyone "builds a bridge and gets over it" when you have a problem tenant that you are unable to get rid of?

Also curious how you separate work stress and home life? (My drive is normally less than 10 minutes to get home, so I'm looking for some quick turnaround techniques.)

I joined a gym and that has helped, I also drink a bottle of wine every night lmao

When I get home I tell my boyfriend about all of the juicy gossip and then I try not to mention it all night.

Whisky

Find your favorite happy feel good music for the ride home.

Prayer always works for me as I live on property . After 12 years in the biz I have learned to leave it where I found it. No negative goes out the office door.

Sit in the quiet and think of ways you can do better instead of thinking of what you did wrong

Have serious eviction rules

The best advice and sometimes I need reminders...is pick a spot on your drive home and pretend that you are leaving it (the problem) there and will pick it up in the morning on your way in. Remember that it's not personal and if you made everyone happy you wouldn't be doing your job! Then the owners would be broke and you'd be out of job. Also practice pausing....let them talk....you don't have to have an answer or response...let them vent...and say thanks for sharing that with me and I absolutely hear what you are saying. ♡

Have time for you and you only! Wake up before your work day starts and give your time 2 hours - don’t look at your phone or email. Be in the present by yourself and don’t worry about anyone else or anything else during this time. It’s harder to do at first than you think but worth it

Work out - drink - cuddle the dog. I am currently recovering from an issue with a current tenant. Time and space.
Take ALL your vacation time every year. Heading to Savannah myself for a week to reset.

I stop at the mall or a store and do some window shopping, just to clear my head before I come home to the family. Enjoy a cup of tea or glass of wine and music once everyone is tucked in for the night.

Powerlifting helps me decompress. I can't afford a therapist so the gym is my therapy

You to resident: It's evident that you are not happy living in this community I'll be glad to give you a 30 day notice to vacate. Done it and it works! Try it!!

I don’t about y’all but this year has been one of the hardest / more confrontational. It makes sense costs are up, rents are up, the stakes are up for everyone. It comes out.
For me the way I have handled it is mind set. Using stuff like cognitive behavioral therapy to remap responses / point of view has been tremendous. It really is a conversation about frame of mind.
Put your self in the best mental frame you can.
I am going to get eye rolls for this but check out black eyed peas new song be nics. There are some great lines in there if you reflect on them.
Favorite one “be different, be nice”

Once I open that car door I leave it all behind

That resident who’s making everyday very difficult... I tend to make them my new BFF. It’s worked many times for me and even though that person is making your life hell... they probably have a bigger story behind as to why (their own personal issues).
I had a girl blow me up day/night via email at night & would call back to back during office hours. She was just lonely! Once I had a real conversation with her and showed my attitude and that I cared. She became more of a friend then a pain. I also had to talk/deal with her differently then other residents. Once I did this the emails/calling stopped and she’d make an effort to just stop by and say hi! Good luck!

Hi Chris. You raise an important issue. As an emotional intelligence certified trainer, I have encountered this a lot in my coaching that I do. There are several suggestions above that are definitely good ones. Being able to catch yourself in the moment that a thought is happening and making an adjustment to switch your thoughts to something else (positive, personal - not a business worry) is key in your mindset switch between business and personal. Sometimes the hardest part is learning to identify that it is happening in the moment and letting go. Someone suggested music on your drive home, which can be a great way to neurologically switch gears in your brain. Stopping and meeting a friend can help you switch thoughts also, as can practice of a quick meditation. Keep a gratitude journal for all of the really good things that are happening in your life right now. It helps you look for more good things and takes your focus away from the bad. Thinking of you.

I pray that they win the lottery and move. I also practice good self care and vent to friend when it gets really bad.

I have to thank you all for the great advice and understanding!! I realized as I was reading all the comments, I’m speaking at a state wide housing conference on suicide prevention from a landlord stand point. I am also a volunteer with the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, and on the state AFSP board of directors. Reading everything made me realize, self care is huge and I need to add that to my presentation. I hope you don’t mind if I share some of the thoughts and advice posted here!!

I personally listen to true crime podcasts to remind me I can’t get away with homicide....lol. You have to leave the resident drama at the door when you lock up at night. Take a few minutes to vent and put it away. People are crazy. Non renewal notices are also helpful!

Sometimes I just sit in silence at home for a good half hour..or ill do housework..but honestly-i try to leave the bad mojo at work..ive never been in such a bad spot that I am going to have a breakdown (my former job in senior living yes) but this job..nope. Even when the nastiest of tenants is on my nerves, its a smile and sorry you feel that way.

Music helps me change my attitude... play some good groove tunes in the car on your drive home...

Give them a notice of nonrenewal as their Christmas gift.

Listen to a segment of comedy during that drive home. Laughter really is the best medicine!

Some upbeat music would help a lot. It's like therapy in your car.

I was having the same issue. I removed my work email from my personal phone

Problem tenant:
Depending on how serious it is you can 1) try to understand them or the situation better (sometimes it's easier to have sympathy for example for someone who has Alzheimer's when you know they are affected and and know that explosive arguments and aggression can be symptoms), 2) learn people skills and phrases that redirect conversations or that set healthy boundaries, 3) acknowledge that you are doing the best you can and nothing else is required of you.

Not bringing work home:
(I struggle with this...)

When I find my brain wandering towards something that happened in the past, I ask "is this helpful?" If it is, then it's because I have something to learn from it or I need to do research or make calls, etc associated with it so I write down what I need to do and schedule it to do during work hours. Then I "set it down" because at home I have other goals I'm working towards (like being present for my children or exercising, or eating healthy, or learning Spanish or connecting with friends outside of work..) If the answer is that it's not helpful then, I also "set it down" and imagine I'm tossing it in the recycling bin. Then I ask myself, "what would be helpful right now?" as a replacement question and usually I'll come up with an answer like listening to an audio book or calling a friend, running an errand or mowing the lawn, etc. to shift my focus to something that will help support me and the life I want more of.

In the 7 decades I have lived on this earth some of most important lessons have been these;
1. It doesn't matter what happens to you; what matters is how you react to it.
2. Lessons come to you/us to teach us. Get quiet and ponder "what is it that I am to learn from this?"
3. Learn to meditate...no, it isn't woo-woo. It is a way to quiet your mind and get focused on the lessons
4. Take very deep breaths. Deep breath, hold it a few seconds, the blow it out. Notice that your shoulders relax, your heart rate slows down.
5. Don't let others choose your behavior, be kind and calm.

Even though jokingly advised, alcohol doesn't make it better. You are bigger, better, smarter and more solution oriented than you may think!

Well said Sam. Ultimately it is my choice how I am to react or if I am to react at all. The more disciplined I am with myself, the happier... and ultimately more peaceful I am.

Sometimes you just have to wait for the problem tenant to make a wrong move. Be patient and take action when it happens. Document Document Document along the way. On your ride home, turn up those tunes.

Focus on your other residents. Sometimes, a problem resident will observe your interactions with other residents at Resident Events or when you are with someone else in the Office. After seeing your positive communications and happiness when you are with others, that problem resident may just have an Ah Ha Moment. If not, just breathe. Know that this may just be your own teachable moment that you can learn from in moving forward. Being kind to others in general can help soothe your soul, too.

First question I have to answer with questions . . . what kind of problems and why are you unable to "get rid" of them? Generally speaking, advise to not take any of the work issues personally. If the resident is doing anything that is really a lease violation, the opportunity will present itself to serve them a notice. If he/she is just generally unhappy and everyone is always having to hear about it, consider possibly not offering a renewal and maybe even asking for the apartment back and saying based on their frequently complaints (inferring all are documented), this is not the best choice for them to call home.

Second question: I lived on site for years and had the same issue. The commute home wasn't enough to disconnect from work I started Yoga. It's a great process for getting centered and both relaxing and getting in good shape. It helped me turn off my work brain and get into my family brain.

Good luck.