Personal vs. professional relationships

One of my residents has a family member that is around my age who I enjoy talking with very much, and I think the feeling is mutual. I can keep the relationship with the resident on a professional level; but I would like to pursue the personal relationship with the family member to see where it leads. Am I on a slippery slope and creating the potential for a situation where I cross an ethical boundary?

Just a small point of observation: once you forge a personal relationship with the relative/friend of your Resident, then your Resident will become privy to your personal information in one way or another. I would ask that you re-read your company's employee handbook and consult that first before you do anything, although off-site relationshps typically aren't monitored. (I know I have seen soap operas happening on many properties!)

The wife and I try to create what seems like a personal relationship with our tenants by spending extra time talking with them, asking them if they need anything if we happen to be on-site, etc.

We would never take the extra step of going out of our way to have a drink, hit a movie, or anything of that nature. You would reveal to much of yourself, even incidentally, and the tenant will take that relationship for granted at some point in time.

If you want to "spend more time" with this particular tenant than do so by throwing a Christmas party, or some other "block party" for all of your tenants and provide yourself with a good excuse to have fun with your tenants, even if you happen to spend more time talking to any particular one.

Good luck!

The problem is, SHE is not the resident (officially), she is the caregiver for the grandfather who IS (she is here as a live in caregiver). I have steered conversations away from any specific resident as the topic, and expect to be able to continue to do so, even going so far as to specifically say that a response to the question would violate privacy and would be inappropriate. There are plenty of topics that can be discussed without talking about residents. The resident's unit is actually across the hall from my unit.

This post raises an issue that should be addressed within property management companies and by owners before a real-life situation comes up. Every single person at a property should know what they can/cannot do as relates to "relationships" of any kind between employees and residents. What can/cannot happen is a shaped by company culture, risk tolerance, and other factors. Once the parameters are established, they should be written down (as in an HR policy) and shared regularly through reminders to all staff. No one should be wondering about this - guidance should be clear. And don't forget that fair housing issues can arise from the relationships as well. For example, we tend to group socially more among "our own" - so even harmless relationships with a resident can make other residents believe that they are not being treated as favorably because of who they are. And if a relationship sours (as they often do), retaliation can come in the form of sexual harassment accusations. Think it out, write it down, follow and document are the steps to good policy - and good policy is needed here.

Looking at the employee manual, there is nothing that directly discusses this issue.

Truth is, I am enjoying the ability to talk with someone of the opposite sex that is around my age (my property is 55+ and I am not there yet) that does NOT know my family (in this town this is difficult to accomplish), and is not 400 miles away......

Nadene, I completely agree with you~~there needs to be a company policy concerning this issue.
JK, I understand where you are coming from. You are going to do what your heart tells you to do!

My personal belief is that you just don't play where you work!

Dear JK,

While your company might not have a direct written policy regarding this matter, it’s good practice to maintain your personal life outside the workplace. By this particular person being the caregiver of one of your current residents, it makes them automatically involved with your professional life. With that said, involving personal with professional is never a good idea, as it opens both you and the organization you work for up to huge liabilities, and potential problems you truly don’t need in your life.

I know that people say that the heart has no boundaries, but for what it sounds right now, it’s really not a heart decision, just a feeling of comfort due to age and environment. My suggestion is simply best to keep it professional, and look for other personal opportunities not associated with your job.

Good luck!

JK,

I would be hesitant to get involed with anyone who is anyway involed with my property either a resident or a co-worker. This can cause a ton of tension between the resident and the onsite staff. I have a friend ( works in our field) who is dealing with two co-workers who think they are being secretive with their relationship, this has caused alot of problems between the co-workers who know, it is the giant cloud that hangs over their heads. The point is there may not be something in your company policy book because there has not been a need. Think of the consequences before you do anything. Is this person worth you ruining your relationship with co-workers, residents, and the way your management company views you?

Jolene

My property management company "Strongly advises" employees not to have romantic relationships with residents, but that still leaves the ultimate decision up to the employee. It's not uncommon for people to meet and fall in love with someone at work or in their community. Our industry is no different, but the results can carry more risk.

I have formed friendships with a few residents in the past and have been burned by it, so I no longer do so. I know a few colleagues who have had relationships with residents and all of them have had some very negative consequences.

I hear what you are all saying; and the feedback I have gotten so far, between here and other sources has been, while mixed; very supportive as long as we can draw the line between my personal time and professional time. In fact, the residents that have seen us together not only didn't have an opinion one way or another, but they have been relieved that I am not gay ..... not to indicate that this is any of their business or anything......

JK,

It sounds to me like what you want is someone to tell you it is 100% okay to have your personal life intertwined with your professional life. From what I can tell, the consensus of most property management professionals is that you should keep your personal life private and your professional life professional and separate from your provate life. Residents who see you with your love interest on site are saying one thing to your face, but believe me, they are saying something else behind your back, and worse, at some point, they will say something to your Corporate Office. (This may come to light when they move out and don't get their full security deposit back and they will use whatever they can to make you look unprofessional to your Corporate Office.) It is always better to wait to invest in a personal relationship with someone on site when you leave that property and go to a new position, perhaps at a sister property.

Mindy