Wouldn't it be great if there was remote control that you could use on people?? I mean, there are some people in your life that the MUTE button would be awesome for, right? (Admit it!) There are some conversations you'd love to be able to "fast forward" through, others you'd love to rewind and play again and again and times you'd love to be able to hit the pause button (just like Zack Morris in "Saved by the Bell") when you find yourself in an awkward or difficult situation. 

Unfortunately, the remote control for people doesn't exist, and much as I have tried (believe me I have tried!!) I cannot control the people in my life and/or places and things around me. Yet, I have spent much of my lifetime trying to do just that, with lousy results! 

Why am I sharing this with you?

A few years ago I found myself in a crossroads point of my life and a wise sage who became one of my mentors drilled in me the idea that "You can only control what you have control over-so stop trying to control the things that you have no control over and focus on the things that you do have control over." The day I fully embraced this piece of advice is the day I started experiencing a true "comeback" in my life, because instead of focusing my energies on trying to change...

• My spouse
• My friends
• My family
• My clients
• The economy
• Taxes
• How people drive (although that does still bug me, I admit it!)
• Who is or isn't president
• What some commentator said on the news
• What my friends post on Facebook
• Who my friends want to be president
• Who my friends don't want to be president
• What sports teams my loved ones like
• What sports teams my loved ones don't like
• What shows I think you should watch
• What shows I don't think you should watch
• And on and on and on and on....

I chose to spend my time focusing on MY life and allowing other people the dignity of living their lives, whether I agree with their choices and decisions or not! And NO, it's not easy holding my tongue. I do find myself wanting to post a VERY long tirade on Facebook about other people's posts and trying to change their point of view, or belief systems etc...but now, even if I start writing it, I usually don't post it. After all, what good would it do? 

Does this mean that I don't voice my opinion? Or that I don't set healthy boundaries? Or that I just pretend that everything is awesome and that I agree with everyone? No! I still voice my opinion...and I still have opinions! I just do my best to allow other people to have their own opinions, agendas, priorities and perspectives as well, in addition to having my own.

I also pause often to think about, "Am I trying to control what I can't control here?" If I am, I then try to re-shift my attention to what I can control...and that usually is only these things:

• My words
• My actions
• My response to what is happening around me

Practical Application

• When a resident is yelling at you, you might not be able to force them to be more reasonable, but your choice to remain calm and be as empathetic as possible, may trigger the results you want. 
• If you have an employee that is constantly under-performing and it's driving you crazy because you don't know why s/he doesn't get the memo on his/her performance, instead of waiting endlessly for him/her to get the memo, you may need to have the tough conversation that you don't want to have.
• If you find yourself ignored whenever a promotion comes around, and getting frustrated and angry and wondering when your boss will finally see the potential in you, you may need to have a conversation with the boss and say, "I love working here and would love being considered for a promotion...what do I need to do to be considered? Would you be willing to provide me with feedback?"
• If your sister is dating the wrong guy, you may just need to let her date the wrong guy and let her learn for herself, instead of destroying your relationship while trying to "help" her! Then when it all falls apart, she knows you're there for her and maybe then, she'll discover (on her own) that you were right. 
• If someone loves Donald Trump, let her!
• If someone hates Donald trump, let him!
• Find ways to connect with the people around you. This is a tough world and we're all getting beat up, so why add to the battle for the people around you and for you? Who has time for that??

Action Item:

I want you to take time...right now...to write down three to five areas where you're trying to control what you don't have control over. Maybe it's your boss, a co-worker, the economy, your spouse etc. Whatever it is, write them down then make a decision to LET GO of trying to control those people, places and/or things and instead focus on what YOU actually have the power to do. 

Then experience the FREEDOM that comes with doing this! It's a beautiful thing!