When you attend a conference like #Apartmentalize, you will find that lessons and insights are not always confined to the education sessions.  When you bring together so many industry leaders in one spot, you will find sparks of inspiration just about anywhere you look.  During one evening I happened upon a group of absolute legends in our industry and realized that with this type of brain trust, I absolutely needed to tag along.  Off we went to happy hour for great discussion before the big Thursday night party that NAA hosts.

Now, I've been sworn to secrecy on the idea we actually talked about, but I would like to share something truly remarkable I noticed when brainstorming with this amazing group of women.  In many conversations, especially with smart, passionate, and energetic people, speaking is almost a competition - everyone wants the spotlight, where you need some level of insistence about interjecting - like you have to butt in to get a word in edgewise.  And frankly, that sometimes means people simply don't get heard because being assertive is not in their nature.

So in this group of legends, each of whom could easily dominate a discussion, I saw something truly beautiful:  In the normal flow of conversation they would hear someone want to chime in, and at the very next pause, one of the incredible ladies would pause the conversation, look to that person, and ask them to contribute what they wanted to share.  And this wasn't a one-time situation, it happened over and over, becoming a regular heartbeat of communication.  It was inclusive, supportive, and collaborative in a way that I have rarely seen, if ever.  And not only was it a pause, but it was a vote of confidence, as if to say, "I'm excited to hear what _____ has in mind, please share."  In other words, it wasn't just "allowing" someone to speak but rather actively encouraging them to share their voice.  It was truly a beautiful way to communicate.

It made me think about broader dynamics with team building and empowering even our quietest team members.  Are we taking time to pause conversations to acknowledge those that want to contribute but are not the most verbose in the group?  Are we working not just to give space for their voice but rather actively encouraging them to share their viewpoints when they don't always have those opportunities?  In an industry full of outgoing, verbose people, we likely lose an immense number of brilliant ideas from the wallflowers among us, and maybe this active encouragement can help.

Thank you to my lovely friends who showed me a truly remarkable way to include everybody, making each person feel welcome, included, and valued.

This is us on the way to that happy hour!

From left to right: Toni Blake, Michelle Childers (didn't join us for happy hour, but a beautiful person!), Robyn Cue, (Can someone ID the person in blue?), Lori Snider, Cynthiann King, Stephanie Puryear Helling.