A new study finds less than 10% of websites are mobile ready.

“Bull****”, I mumbled just loud enough for the waitress to look back my way. “More coffee?”, she asked. Nose down in my phone, I nudged my mug towards her without so much as a head nod to further acknowledge the question.

How could this be? If 9 out of every 10 sites are — what’s the opposite word for mobile friendly…mobile hostile? — why does it feel like I’m late to the party?

There I am, standing in the doorway holding a cheap bottle of Merlot, hoping no one notices me.

Scanning the room, I watch other guests sip exotic blends as they go on about favicons and swipe-to-view photo galleries. Intellectuals with monocles and top hats, exchanging condescending small talk with the help. “Does your website have an iPhone version yet? No? Well, it should. Mobile is the future, you know.”

It was a fantasy I played out in my mind often.

“Can I get you anything else?” the waitress asked in such a tone I wondered if this was her 2nd, or even 3rd time repeating the question before I offered up something other than a blank stare. “Just the check please”.

I was off to tour the historic district just around the corner.

Mobile on my mind

The row of Victorian homes neatly lined up against the worn brick road like a display of trophies won by old southern money. One by one, they towered over me, as if competing with each other for my attention.

At the end of the block, just before Forsyth Park, stood a particularly impressive display of showmanship.The grand Victorian home casts its shadow directly over a local jogger too busy fighting for his fair share of the sidewalk to take notice. I finally catch up to my group as they gather near the home’s wrought iron fence for, if nothing else, some relief from the unforgiving Savannah sun. Staring into the 4th floor window of the white brick Victorian, I wipe the sweat from my face with the bottom of my t-shirt. “I could totally live here”, I thought. Put my room on the top floor, I bet I could see 3 blocks over with that view.

Ugh, but the stairs…

What a chore it must have been to host a dinner party; having to lug up and down 4 flights each time a new guest arrived and wanted the grand tour. The longer I thought about it, the more upset I became. Why the hell would anyone build 4 stories up when you could just as easily build out? Then it hit me, like a barrel of the very same brick this ridiculous home was made from.

I pictured the hostess welcoming her newly arrived guests. She points out the imported crown molding surrounding them above as she guides the group towards the stairwell. She could hardly contain her excitement. It was their first dinner party since the build and a grand tour was long overdue. The words marble, oak, and Italy bounce between the walls as the group hiked up the first flight of stairs.

Rounding the 2nd story, the hostess’ voice becomes increasingly loud, as if the sound would somehow mask the heat quickly rising alongside her guests. By the 3rd flight, her long-winded details become short bullet points, attempting to hide how out of breath she was.

The 4th floor was impressive as it was hot. *”Not everyone can build 4 stories up, you know” the hostess said to her guests in a breathy, joggers voice. “I believe we may be the only family on the block to do so”. The architectural feat was little consolation to a group of party guests sweating through their Sunday’s best. Ignoring the beads falling from the hostess’ brow and into her eye, a young man in the group breaks the awkward silence to congratulate the family on a beautiful home.

I continued behind my group, swatting mosquitos and using my shirt as a sweat rag. Our tour guide was explaining why building a multi-level structure was a point of pride to Savannah residents more than 100 years ago. “…it was a true architectural achievement back then. You won’t find too many 4 story homes nowadays, though. It’s just not as popular as it used to be.”

The truth is, it was never a practical design.

The mobile-web monster

I never did learn why so few websites are mobile ready, that morning in the coffee shop. Though, the answer doesn’t seem so important to me these days. Now, I ask myself whether or not designing a separate website for every possible device, browser, and screen resolution is practical? Is this actually what our customers want, or are we just building 4 story Victorian homes out of sheer pride?

Remember 2007? Apple promised to solve all our mobile-browsing woes by delivering a full web experience via something called the iPhone. Google quietly worked on what will later be the largest mobile OS in the world, Android. Blackberry, seeming unfazed by all the disruption, continued to serve watered-down versions of our favorite websites on overpriced dumbphones.

Yep. Mobile was going mainstream with two pretty awesome companies leading the way and we couldn’t be happier.

Then something unexpected happened. Panic began to spread across break-rooms all over the country. Horrific tales of the mobile-web snatching up profits in the middle of the night brought shivers down the spines of our executives. Fortune 500s nervously bragged about yet-to-be-seen mobile strategies, hoping to be spared by the mobile-web monster.

It was a scary time for all of us.

But, of course, the mobile-web monster never did come. And as of yesterday, only 28% of companies on the fortune 500 currently have a mobile website.

Even the company that started it all with the iPhone still serves up the same boring website to everyone regardless of the device we use. It appears Apple had every intention in keeping its promise of a full-fledge web experience for mobile devices. Unfortunately, the rest of the business world has been too busy shoving the mobile-web down the throats of consumers to listen to the message.

So, if I may speak on behalf of our customers, here it is again; loud and clear.

We want your full website on our mobile phones. Not obnoxious redirects pushing us to a watered-down, featureless version.

We want to read the article you post on Facebook without the annoying little chore of exiting your hey-download-our-app pop-ups. (Yea you, TechCrunch)

But most of all, we want you to know it’s going to be ok. Chances are, my smartphone is more powerful than the crappy laptops your IT department issues out. And even though you have a poorly coded website, my modern browser should render it just fine.

Stop trying to solve a problem iOS and Chrome fixed during the Bush administration. Those guys have it under control. Blackberry? Don’t you worry your pretty little head about those jokers. Last I heard they were tricking for dinner, letting IBM feel them up under the table. They will never hurt us again.

Listen, we know how much you love the thought of a mobile site serving, app downloading, business utopia. Just try to be patient. One day a practical solution for everyone will present itself. Till then, let us enjoy your sites without having to click the “View full version” link.

- Written and posted on my iPhone.