ABC finally announced who will be their new Bachelor—Arie Luyendyk Jr., a race car driver and former Bachelorette runner up from 2012. But, why am I telling you this? Of course you've been obsessively checking Twitter for days and watching Bachelor in Paradise to play amateur detective and getting into heated debates with your spouse about the merits of Eric (his suggestion, an OK one) vs. Dean (who knocked himself out after his treatment of poor Kristina) vs. Jack Stone (just me?), right? (Apparently I've come a long way since I've been a The Bachelor apologist, and learned some property management tips from it nonetheless.)

And it's a fine(?) decision. I don't know. I didn't watch the show in 2012, so I'm not familiar with him. I do know that it allows ABC to use all sorts of car puns in their marketing, so that's good. (There's no way they're going to get through the whole season without a: "Ladies, start your engines." I'm totally calling it now.)

So, what can we learn from this Cinderella story? Get revved up (see!)—I'm about to tell you.

Read the full blog.